How to live with a narcissist?
Over the past months or years, you may have realized that you are living with a narcissist. Whether is it a narcissistic parent, sibling, husband or wife. There is the manipulation, gaslighting, nothing you do is good enough, the constant criticism, and that you are the problem, and you need therapy to be “fixed”.
The best option is to go “no-contact” and distance yourself with a narcissist, but what if that’s not an option? In many situations we can’t leave a narcissist.
Ideally you want a “no-contact” relationship with a narcissistic person
But it might not be the case for you. You can’t change a narcissistic person, but you can learn to live with them.
7 tips on how to live with a narcissist
1. Setting Boundaries:
It is important to establishing clear boundaries when you are living with a narcissist. A narcissistic person do not like boundaries and they like having things their way. But remember, YOU ARE YOUR OWN PERSON. It is hard to set boundaries when you have not done so in the past. It’s a habit you would have to break and change.
Communicate your limits and expectations firmly and assertively and set consequences that you can enforce. However, be prepared for pushback, as narcissists often test boundaries. They don’t like it and will make you feel guilty for having them. But stand your ground and reinforce your boundaries consistently, even if they try to guilt or manipulate you into relenting.
2. Developing Emotional Resilience:
Living with a narcissist can be emotionally draining. To maintain your well-being, it's crucial to develop emotional resilience. Use the “grey rock” method. This means becoming disinterested and unengaged so the narcissist loses interest in you. A narcissist will poke you where it hurts. They will pick your vulnerable points and make comments about it. By using the “grey rock” method you are appearing disinterested by give short one word answer, act unresponsive and hiding your emotional reactions.
Narcissists thrive on power struggles and thrive on creating conflict. The “grey rock” method will cut their narcissistic supply. Try not to get entangled in their web of manipulation by refusing to engage in arguments or defend yourself against their accusations.
This is the time where you have to choose your battles wisely, and save your energy for situations that truly matter. Focus on maintaining your peace of mind and disengaging from their toxic dynamics.
3. Developing Empathy for Yourself:
Living with a narcissist often leaves you feeling invalidated and unheard. While narcissists crave validation and admiration, it is essential to avoid feeding their ego- cutting their narcissistic supply. Instead, redirect your efforts towards practicing empathy, not for the narcissist, but for yourself!
Practice empathy for yourself through self-compassion. Remind yourself that their behaviour is not a reflection of your worth but stems from their deep-seated insecurities. Prioritize your emotional well-being and surround yourself with activities and individuals who uplift and support you.
4. Seeking Support:
Living with a narcissist can be isolating as they often create an environment where you doubt your own experiences and feelings. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or support groups who can provide a listening ear, perspective, and guidance. Sharing your experiences with others who have dealt with similar situations can be immensely validating and comforting.
But remember that a narcissist is good at being vulnerable and playing the victim. That means some people may not believe what you are going through. Don’t have the expectation that people will understand you. Not everyone will.
5. Managing Communication:
When speaking to a narcissist you have to keep the conversations concise and focused on the facts. The more you reveal your personal information or vulnerabilities, the more they will exploit them and use them against you. Don’t engage in confrontations or arguments or trying to defend yourself. They are good at twisting words and shifting blame, leaving you feeling confused and powerless. You won’t be able to reason with their distorted perspectives.
Instead, focus on assertive communication techniques that emphasize your needs and feelings. Use "I" statements to express yourself and maintain a calm and collected demeanor. Maintain a calm and composed demeanor, and do not allow yourself to be drawn into their manipulative tactics. Keep conversations light and avoid sharing personal opinions or feelings that they can use against you.
6. Have Realistic Expectations:
Recognize that you cannot change a narcissist. Their behavior is deeply ingrained, and attempting to reform or rescue them will likely lead to frustration. A lot of victims of this type of abuse are able to see the trauma that the narcissist went through. This makes us more empathetic and can play with our emotions. But remember it is not your job to fix them, nor can you fix them. Instead, focus on managing your own expectations and accepting that their behavior may never change. Direct your energy towards personal growth and self-improvement. Maybe reconsider going to low or no-contact with them?
7. Self-Care and Personal Growth:
While living with a narcissist can be challenging, it's important to prioritize self-care and personal growth. A narcissist can make you lose focus on even your hobbies, likes and dislikes. So start engage in activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Develop healthy coping mechanisms such as journaling, mindfulness, or therapy. Focus on your personal goals and invest in your own growth, knowing that you have control over your own happiness and well-being. Focus on building your self-esteem and surround yourself with a support system of friends, family, or support groups who understand your situation and can provide validation and guidance.
The ideal situation is to go to low or no-contact with a narcissist. But maybe right now, you’re in a situation where you can’t leave. By now you may have realized that living with a narcissist is taking a significant toll on your mental health. Consider seeking professional support from therapists or counselors who specialize in narcissistic personality disorder or narcissistic abuse recovery. They can provide valuable guidance, validation, and coping strategies tailored to your specific situation.
Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. She is a relationship and relational trauma therapist who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. She uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help her clients.
Thinking of therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.
For more information reach us at info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.
Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Ontario; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; Mississauga, ON; Milton, ON.
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Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.
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Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.
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There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.
It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.
At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.
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The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.
At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.
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The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.
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The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.
Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.
A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.
Difference:
Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher
Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.
Psychiatrist: MD
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Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose
Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose
Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication
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Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques
Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment
Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions
Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.
At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.