Most advice about difficult relationships comes in two flavours: leave or fix it. But many people are somewhere in between. They aren't ready to leave, or don't want to, and they still want to feel steadier, clearer, and more like themselves.
This post is for you if that's where you are. It isn't telling you to stay, and it isn't telling you to go.
First, a note on safety
Everything below assumes you are physically and emotionally safe. If you are afraid of your partner, are being threatened, monitored, isolated, or controlled, or you're being hurt, that is a different situation. Self-work isn't the answer to harm, and it's not your job to fix it.
If that sounds familiar, please reach out to a local domestic violence service or a trusted therapist in Calgary who can help with safety planning.
"Difficult" means different things
A difficult relationship might mean repeated conflict, growing distance, feeling unheard, a rupture of trust, or a pattern you can't seem to break. People stay for many reasons: love, hope, children, finances, culture, timing, or simply not being sure yet.
Staying isn't weakness. Leaving isn't failure. Either can be a considered choice, and you're allowed to take your time.
What you can change, and what you can't
You can't control how your partner shows up. You can work with how you respond, what you tolerate, how you take care of your body, and how clearly you know what you need.
But there's a trap to watch for: "working on myself" can quietly turn into "it's all my fault." Growth means understanding your part, not carrying the whole relationship alone.
Five ways to work on yourself while you stay
Settle your body before the hard conversations. It's hard to be clear when you're flooded. A few slow breaths, feet on the floor, or a short walk can make the difference between reacting and responding.
Get clear on your needs and limits. What do you need to feel respected? Which things are preferences, and which are non-negotiable? Writing it down is a good start.
Practise small boundaries. You don't have to start with the biggest issue. Something as simple as "I need a break, and I'll come back to this in an hour" counts.
Build support outside the relationship. Friends, family, a therapist in Calgary, or a community give you perspective and steadiness that one relationship can't.
Notice patterns, not just incidents. Over time, what changes and what doesn't? Is your effort being met?
Questions to ask yourself from time to time
Staying doesn't have to be a permanent decision. It can be something you check in on.
Do I feel safer and steadier than I did a few months ago?
Is there any movement from my partner, or only from me?
Am I becoming more myself in this relationship, or less?
What would I need to see to keep going?
Is there a point where I would reconsider?
There are no right answers. The point is to stay in touch with your own voice.
A note on couples work
If both of you are willing, couples therapy with a qualified therapist can help with communication and repeating patterns. It is generally not recommended where there is abuse or coercive control, and a good therapist will screen for that.
You decide
No one else can tell you whether to stay or go. What you can do is get support, build your own steadiness, and make decisions from a clearer place.
Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. Her and her team are relationship and relational trauma therapists who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. The team uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help their clients.
Thinking of therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.
For more information reach us at info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.
Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Canada; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; London, ON; Milton, ON; Calgary, AB.
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Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.
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Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.
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There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.
It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.
At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.
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The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.
At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.
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The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.
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The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.
Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.
A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.
Difference:
Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher
Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.
Psychiatrist: MD
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Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose
Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose
Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication
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Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques
Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment
Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions
Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.
At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.