The Childhood Wounds We Carry Into Adulthood
As a therapist, one of the most common yet misunderstood themes I encounter in my practice is childhood trauma. Often, people walk into my office carrying the weight of anxiety, depression, relationship struggles, low self-worth, or addictive behaviors without understanding that the roots of these issues often lie in early life experiences. "But that was years ago," they’ll say. "Why would it still matter?" The answer is simple, but profound: childhood trauma shapes the foundation of who we become.
What Is Childhood Trauma?
Childhood trauma refers to experiences that are emotionally painful or distressing and that overwhelm a child’s ability to cope. These experiences can range from overt abuse (physical, sexual, emotional) and neglect to less visible but still damaging experiences like chronic criticism, emotional unavailability from caregivers, witnessing domestic violence, or growing up with a parent who struggles with mental illness or substance use.
What makes trauma in childhood particularly impactful is that it occurs during critical stages of brain development. When a child is exposed to overwhelming stress without adequate support, the body and brain adapt in ways that can become problematic later in life.
One important aspect to understand is that trauma isn’t always about what did happen—sometimes it’s about what didn’t.
The Lasting Impact on the Brain and Body
The brain’s stress response system—particularly the amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex—is highly sensitive to trauma. For children living in unpredictable or threatening environments, their brains may become wired for survival rather than for connection, learning, or exploration. They may become hypervigilant, constantly scanning for danger, or dissociate as a way to escape emotional pain. These adaptations, while helpful in the moment, can lead to persistent problems in adulthood.
Research in neuroscience and psychology consistently shows that unprocessed childhood trauma increases the risk of:
● Depression and anxiety disorders
● Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
● Chronic physical illnesses (like heart disease, diabetes, autoimmune disorders)
● Substance abuse and addiction
● Problems with emotional regulation and impulse control
● Difficulty forming healthy relationships
In short, trauma doesn’t just stay in the past—it leaves a physiological and psychological imprint that can last a lifetime.
The ACEs Study: Evidence of a Lifelong Impact
One of the most groundbreaking pieces of research in this area is the Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study, which linked childhood trauma to long-term health outcomes. The study found that the more ACEs a person experienced—such as abuse, neglect, or family dysfunction—the higher their risk for a wide range of mental and physical health problems later in life.
What was most alarming wasn’t just the prevalence (two-thirds of participants had at least one ACE), but the cumulative effect. People with four or more ACEs were:
● Twice as likely to be smokers
● 7 times more likely to be alcoholics
● 12 times more likely to attempt suicide
At significantly higher risk for heart disease, cancer, and other chronic illnesses
As a therapist, I often use the ACEs framework not to label people, but to help them understand that their struggles are not a personal failing—they are a response to early adversity.
Trauma Isn’t Just What Happened—It’s Also What Didn’t Happen
One important aspect to understand is that trauma isn’t always about what did happen—sometimes it’s about what didn’t. A child who never felt emotionally safe or validated may carry wounds just as deep as one who experienced overt abuse. Neglect, emotional absence, and lack of attunement from caregivers can leave a child feeling unseen, unworthy, and alone.
This kind of relational trauma, often called attachment trauma, can lead to deep-rooted patterns of self-doubt, difficulty trusting others, and struggles with emotional intimacy. These individuals often come into therapy saying, “Nothing really bad happened to me. I don’t know why I feel this way.” But the pain is real—and it deserves attention.
The Power of Early Relationships
Childhood is where we first learn who we are and what we can expect from the world. We internalize messages about our worth, our safety, and whether our needs matter. If a child grows up being consistently invalidated, ignored, or punished for expressing emotions, they may learn to suppress those emotions or see themselves as "too much" or "not enough."
In therapy, we often explore how early attachment styles—secure, avoidant, anxious, or disorganized—still play out in adult relationships. Understanding these patterns is not about blaming parents, but about reclaiming the narrative and offering ourselves the compassion and healing we may not have received back then.
Healing Is Possible
The good news is that healing from childhood trauma is absolutely possible. The brain is plastic—it can change and rewire throughout life, especially in the context of safe, supportive relationships. Therapy provides a space where people can begin to explore their past without judgment, process painful memories, and build new ways of relating to themselves and others.
The first step to healing a childhood wound is acknowledging that it exists and matters. Many people minimize or dismiss their early emotional pain, telling themselves it “wasn’t that bad” or “should be over by now.” But real healing begins when you allow yourself to recognize and validate your past experiences—without judgment. This means giving yourself permission to feel what you may have buried: sadness, anger, confusion, or loss. It’s not about blaming others, but about honoring the impact those early events had on your development, your self-worth, and your relationships. Naming the wound is the foundation that allows deeper emotional work—like therapy, self-reflection, or reparenting—to begin.
In my work, I’ve seen incredible resilience in people who’ve lived through unspeakable things. When given the right tools, safety, and support, they learn to self-regulate, form healthier relationships, and rewrite the internal narratives that once kept them stuck.
Some therapeutic approaches that are especially effective for trauma include:
● Trauma-informed therapy
● EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)
● Somatic experiencing
● Internal Family Systems (IFS)
● Attachment-focused therapy
Each of these modalities helps clients access and heal the deeper wounds that cognitive approaches alone often can’t reach.
Why This Work Matters
When we understand childhood trauma—not just as an isolated event, but as a root cause of many adult struggles—we open the door to more compassionate care. It shifts the question from “What’s wrong with you?” to “What happened to you?” That simple shift can radically change how we treat ourselves and others.
As a therapist, I believe it’s essential to create a culture where people are encouraged to explore their early experiences, not to dwell on the past, but to heal it. Because trauma that is not transformed is transmitted—through families, relationships, and communities. But healing doesn’t just benefit the individual. It ripples outward, breaking cycles and fostering healthier future generations.
Final Thoughts
Childhood trauma is not destiny. It’s not a life sentence. But it is important. And it deserves our attention.
If you’re someone who suspects your past may still be affecting you, know this: you’re not broken. You adapted to survive. And now, you have the power to heal. Therapy isn’t about blaming your past—it’s about understanding it, so you can live more freely in the present.
Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. Her and her team are relationship and relational trauma therapists who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. Her team uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help their clients.
Thinking of therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.
For more information reach us at info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.
Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Ontario; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; Mississauga, ON; Milton, ON.
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Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.
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Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.
At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.
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There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.
It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.
At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.
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The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.
At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.
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The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.
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The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.
Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.
A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.
Difference:
Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher
Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.
Psychiatrist: MD
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Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose
Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose
Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication
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Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques
Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment
Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions
Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.
At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.