Why Avoiding Your Emotions Doesn’t Actually Protect You

Individual Therapy
Written By Shikha Seeboruth

One of the most common things I see in my work is emotional avoidance—people doing everything they can not to feel what’s really going on inside. And I get it. Feeling can be overwhelming, painful, vulnerable. It’s only natural that our minds want to protect us from discomfort.

But here's the truth I often gently share with clients: Avoiding your emotions doesn’t protect you. It postpones your healing.

Let’s talk about what emotional avoidance looks like, why we do it, and how facing your feelings—at your own pace—can actually set you free.

What Does Emotional Avoidance Look Like?

Most people don’t realize they’re avoiding their emotions because it often shows up in very everyday, even “productive” ways. Emotional avoidance might look like:

  • Constantly staying busy or overworking

  • Scrolling endlessly or binge-watching shows

  • Joking instead of sharing how you really feel

  • Telling yourself “it’s not a big deal” when it really is

  • Numbing out with food, alcohol, or other substances

  • Shutting down or going emotionally blank

  • Avoiding conflict or hard conversations at all costs

You might even be praised for some of these behaviours. “You’re so strong!” “You always keep it together!” But beneath the surface, the emotional buildup continues—unprocessed, unhealed, and often unspoken.

Why We Avoid Feeling

Avoiding emotions usually starts early. Maybe you were told not to cry. Maybe no one modelled how to handle sadness, anger, or fear. Maybe expressing emotion got you punished, ignored, or embarrassed.

So you learned:

  • It’s safer to shut down.

  • Big feelings aren’t welcome.

  • If I pretend I’m okay, I’ll be loved.

In adulthood, these beliefs stick around. Emotional avoidance becomes a survival strategy. And for a while—it works. You get through the day. You stay "in control." But eventually, the cost becomes too high.

The Hidden Cost of Emotional Avoidance

Here’s the paradox: the more we try to suppress or avoid our emotions, the more power they tend to hold over us.

1. They don’t disappear—they get stored

Unfelt emotions don’t just evaporate. They stay in the body, the nervous system, the subconscious. They often show up later as:

  • Anxiety or panic

  • Depression or numbness

  • Chronic stress or burnout

  • Unexplained irritability or overwhelm

  • Physical symptoms like tension, headaches, or fatigue

2. They impact your relationships

When emotions are avoided, they often leak out sideways—snapping at your partner, withdrawing from friends, or becoming overly accommodating to avoid conflict. You might struggle with connection because vulnerability feels too risky.

3. They block self-understanding

Your emotions carry important messages: what you need, what hurts, what matters. Avoiding them cuts you off from yourself. You may feel “lost” or unsure of what you want—because you’re not in touch with your emotional compass.

What Facing Your Emotions Actually Does

Facing your emotions isn’t about wallowing or getting stuck—it’s about building the capacity to feel, so you can move forward. Here's what happens when you start turning toward your emotions instead of away:

 1. You create space to process and release

When you name and feel an emotion, it can begin to move through your system. This is the difference between a feeling passing through vs. being trapped inside.

 2. You build emotional resilience

Feeling doesn’t make you weak—it makes you stronger. You learn that you can survive big feelings. That you don’t have to run from them or be afraid of yourself.

 3. You become more connected—to yourself and others

When you acknowledge what’s going on inside, you become more self-aware, grounded, and open. Relationships deepen because you’re showing up more fully and honestly.

But What If It Feels Like Too Much?

You might be thinking:

“If I let myself feel, I’ll fall apart.”
 “I’ve been avoiding this for so long—I don’t know where to start.”

Here’s the good news: you don’t have to feel everything all at once.
Emotional healing isn’t about ripping off the bandaid—it’s about learning to gently sit with what’s there, piece by piece, with support.

As a therapist, I often help clients:

  • Learn emotional regulation skills (like grounding or breathwork)

  • Identify what they’re feeling (many people were never taught how)

  • Create a sense of safety in their bodies

  • Practice tolerating discomfort in small, manageable doses

  • Use language to express instead of suppress emotion

Gentle Steps to Start Feeling

You can begin reconnecting with your emotions in small, non-overwhelming ways. Here are a few starting points:

1. Name what you’re feeling—without judgment

Try: “I’m noticing some sadness,” or “There’s a tightness in my chest.” Naming the emotion reduces its intensity and makes it feel more manageable.

2. Pause before the distraction

Next time you reach for your phone or open your laptop, pause. Ask: What am I feeling right now? Give it 30 seconds of attention before moving on.

3. Journal your inner dialogue

Write down what you would say if you weren’t trying to sound okay. Let your feelings speak uncensored. You don’t need to make sense—just be honest.

4. Talk to someone safe

This could be a therapist, a trusted friend, or support group. Sometimes saying “I’m not okay, but I’m trying to be honest” is the most powerful step forward.

Final Thoughts: You Deserve to Feel

Avoiding your emotions may have protected you once. That survival skill helped you get here—and that matters. But it’s okay to outgrow it now.
 You don’t need to carry all that weight alone.
 You don’t need to keep pretending you’re fine.

Feeling is not weakness. It’s how we heal. It’s how we connect.
It’s how we come back to ourselves.

If you’re ready to feel—just a little, just enough—you’re already on the path to healing. And I promise: you are not too much. You are not alone. And you are strong enough to hold what’s inside of you.

Shikha is a therapist/owner of The Therapeutic Way, Counselling and Psychotherapy Services. Her and her team are relationship and relational trauma therapists who works with individuals, couples, and families who have been on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse, gone through trauma, experiencing relationship issues, and experienced attachment wounds as a child or adult. Her team uses a trauma-informed and holistic approaches to help their clients.

Thinking of therapy? Schedule your free 20 mins consultation call to see how we can help.

For more information reach us at  info@thetherapeuticway.ca or call/text (289) 635-4660.

Therapy services: Online Anywhere in Ontario; Hamilton, ON; Burlington, ON, Oakville, ON; Mississauga, ON; Milton, ON.

 

  • Online therapy is as effective as in person therapy. What is most important with any format of therapy is the strong therapeutic relationship between you and your therapist. Online therapy is a good option when coming in-person is not feasible, when you have dependents at home, and it is also more convenient.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy and therapy by phone from the convenience of your home. Click here to learn more about our online therapy.

  • Not necessarily. Online therapy and in-person therapy are usually the same cost as their effectiveness are the same. Online therapy can also be most cost effective for the client as transportation is not involved. Now, there are therapy apps or programs that area available to clients that are cheaper than traditional therapy. However, the effectiveness of those programs are questionable, and they are most likely not covered by insurance.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we offer online therapy with a registered psychotherapist that is covered by most insurance providers and helps you save the cost of transportation.

  • There are many different types of therapist that you can choose from. Before reaching out to a therapist, it’s important to know what issue you would like to work on. A tip is to seek out a therapist who specializes the issue and problem you are facing with. For example, if you would like to work on trauma, a therapist who focuses on eating disorders may not be the best fit.

    It is also important to decide what type of therapist you are looking for, such as gender, experience, their approaches to therapy, etc. It’s also a good idea to check with your insurance provider which type of therapist they cover. A lot of therapists offer free consultation calls for you to decide they are a right fit.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we specializes in relationship issues, relational trauma, narcissistic abuse recovery, and attachment wounds. We work with adults, couples, and families over the age of 16.

  • The type of therapy that is best for you, depends on you as a person and the reason you are seeking therapy. There are different types of therapy, such as somatic-based therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, trauma-informed therapies, holistic therapy, existential therapy, and more. The type of therapy that is right for you will depend what you are looking for. While you may have an input in this, majority of the time the therapist will know what is best suited for you and will let you know.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we work with clients using an integrative approach to therapy, meaning using different modalities to suit your needs. We use a trauma-informed, holistic, and relational approach to working with you. Click here to learn more.

  • The term psychotherapy and counselling are often used interchangeably with some slight differences. Psychotherapy refers to the treatment based for psychological disorders and mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc. Counselling refers to wellness support and providing insights and clarity which leads to growth or personal betterment. At The Therapeutic Way, we provide both psychotherapy and counselling.

  • The difference between psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist, depends on education and scope of practice.

    Psychotherapist, psychologist, and psychiatrist can provide therapy called talk therapy.

    A psychotherapist can provide therapy under the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario, a psychologist can provide therapy under the College of Psychologists of Ontario, and a psychiatrist can provide therapy under College of Physicians and Surgeons of Ontario.

    Difference:

    Psychotherapist Education: Master’s Degree or higher

    Psychologist Education: PhD or PsyD.

    Psychiatrist: MD

    ————

    Psychotherapist: Can’t diagnose

    Psychologist: Can do assessment and diagnose

    Psychiatrist: Can do assessment, diagnose, and prescribe medication

    ————

    Psychotherapist Training: Counselling and focus on therapy techniques

    Psychologist: Focus on clinical research and assessment

    Psychiatrist: Use medical treatment such as prescribing medications for mental health conditions

    Before seeking help, it’s important to know what you need and are seeking. A consultation call can help you decide.

    At The Therapeutic Way, we are registered psychotherapist with the College of Registered Psychotherapist of Ontario.

Shikha Seeboruth
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